Shitmakers in the Airplanes

I found a business card of Mario Lychozo, Sh1tmakers 1nc, near the baggage claim in Heathrow after one of the most shitty flights I ever had. Judge yourself. It was some Airbus, with 4 toilet rooms in economy class and 2 in business. This is all for 200+ people onboard. They had a lunch. Juices, coffees and beers.

What people usually do next? Right, but not on this flight. As soon as lunch finished I saw an unwinking sign "Occupied". Queue between rows were growing silently for almost an hour, and reached nearly all people standing in it. Such patience was explained by quite expressive sounds that were coming out. Then someone went out of control and started to knock into the door. No reaction. It grew to all other cabins too. Stewardess came to calm people down, but it was hardly possible. People that were standing last, clearly understood that even if it opens now, they still would need another 30+ minutes to get into.
After another 30 minutes one of the stewardess clinged to the door and asked through loud and politely:"Excuse me, Madam or Sir. It is the member of the crew speaking. I kindly ask you to hurry up".
After a short and very silent pause Man's voice answered:
"Sorry. I am not ready yet. Try another one" and finished his speech with again very expressive sound of what is he doing there. Somebody giggled. Attempts on other bathrooms was similar, either "Busy" or those "speaking" noises, or all together. Same situation was in the business class.
Another hour crew was trying to convince sitters through the door to leave their rest rooms. Unsuccessfully. During the turbulence zone attendants seated almost all people. Then they tried to open one most dump cabin with some tool. No result. I need to mention here that flight was more than 9 hours long. You would be surprised to see how civilized people can behave if they have bestial needs. The only place you can do it is inside, because it's 30000 feet height. Many were blaming staff and airlines. Kids peed into pants, some adults were trying to use plastic bottles. One did it right on the floor. Nightmare!
They started to go out only after captain reported landing. I saw 2 of them. Black and white. Seems normal people. Were saying sorry to everybody, like it was unintentional. Surprisingly both went to the business class. I thought that somebody will kick one of them, luckily, stewardesses were watching too narrowly.
At the Immigration, I asked one of them, about his stomach. He smiled back and said: "Thanks. Now 1 am FINE".
The only address on the card was at gmail.

Way to spend your days off. Part 1: Great Start

Everyone has their own recipes to do it. So have I. You would ask - why would one got interested by such a personal thing. And I would answer, that it's exactly where I spoon out enough inspiration to do what I did and write about it here.
As usually by chance I detected a possibility of business trip. To Malaysia. I have been there last year for 10 days of hard work while having a holiday mood. Every trip abroad makes me feel like a holiday. Maybe because my very first time was a travel from a small village in north Kazakhstan called "Tokushi" to two Germanies which were about to be united.
So. Idea - Once detected, must be pushed. In parallel, I took a great attention to the fact that both air tickets between Kuala Lumpur and Denpassar would cost me only 190$ if I buy them online from AirAsia. And I agreed that actually "Now everyone can fly".
Couple weeks later I was woken up by icq message from corp. travel manager. Tickets and slujebnoe zadanie are ready. Slujebnoe zadanie - it's a russian term which doesn't even has translation to an english language. Bureaucracy was born to flower in this company just like laities. And although I liked such messages, most pleasant moments were realizing that I am ready. Ready for a trip. This time it was a foul. Appeared that my passport expires in less than 6 months. New passport meant to me a 1 additional month of thinking about new human parcelling out.
Two groups. Normal People and Condoms. And their percentages. Actually not a foul, but a holiday spirits for 2 months until a business trip. No need to say, that during those winter days having -40C outside, I was kinda starving for a normal rest. Many people I met during my trips still think we, russians, put guns under the pillow, drink vodka for breakfast and eat outside in January. Well. This all happens not often enough to be considered mentality. I waited impatiently.
Day has come. But flight was in the morning of the next day. So day was long. I tell ya closer to its' end. I heard a I door bell when winamp playlist finished. It was not a regular sound. Not just a "bim-bim". It was someone who were pressing the button really hard. I was dancing quite sexually with girlfriend of my pal. I went to the door and looked through the glazok"! and saw 4 people starring at me. I realized that this is because of loud music in the 5 a.m. and cried over the door: "O--OVER!. No more music for you!". They all, like after a command turned around to their doors and left the viewing area. After a pause, next flash started with an understanding that she started the music again even louder. I took my pre-gathered bag and said good bye. Empty taxi in front of my pod'ezd %^& said that it is reserved. Right! Reserved by me! Fresh frosty air was really sobering ;-). Airports are places that I like. People here are always somewhat different. Others. You can feel it even in Tolmachevo. Plus I met there two very different girls. Natalie and Ksenia. Last week with my close friend Sulic we were trying to fuck the first one, 1 on 2. The other was his ex. We polished it with couple beers. Next flash, some security guy is asking us to leave the staff dressing room and we do it. Boarding. While checking in I explained that I have an important meeting tomorrow and need to sleep. As result I had 3 free seat s standing together. International flights are always better served.
Connecting flight in Uzbekistan. You would be surprised by how "Baggage Claim" is done in there. It's night outside. One small bulb. Truck full of bags comes with two people on top. They randomly pick a bag and show it to passengers standing around. If one recognizes it, he claims his baggage.
Malaysia. Heavy humidity from the first step outside the Boeing. Baggage claim returned to normal and I finally open air. I stopped smoking again couple months ago. But after Allen Karr died of cancer, I let myself sometime. Taxi driver, smiling like a family business owner offered me "very big discount" and I agreed, under condition to have a receipt for reimbursement.